The following paper was written in response to the book 'Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists & Other Sex Offenders' by Anna C. Salter, Ph.D. It was written for the Psy 232 Human Sexuality class taught by Lauren Kuhn at Portland Community College, Winter 2011.
I'm Not Paranoid; I'm Just Cautious
I’m generally a very cautious person. I check the back seat when I get into the car, I carry a taser, and I lock my door even when I’m at home. These habits have been mine since childhood and there has always been someone around to tease me about my paranoia. “The odds of being attacked are slim” they will say. I know they’re slim; but as author Anna Salter reminds us in her book Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, & Other Sex Offenders, just because something isn’t likely doesn’t mean it can’t happen. And it certainly doesn’t mean that horrible things only happen to someone else. Being naïve about the realities of sexual abuse and violence may make it easier to sleep at night, but it also increases our vulnerability.
In this book Salter takes us on a chilling journey into the minds of some of the most frightening people imaginable-child molesters, rapists and sadists. She also provides us with the ugly truth -these people are also our friends, neighbors, parents, spouses, siblings, teachers, coaches- the list goes on. These people live where we live, they work where we work, they go to church and PTA meetings, and they look just like everyone else.
So how do we lessen the risk if it’s hard to tell who’s who? It’s actually quite simple, we just have to watch, listen, and most importantly, we have to trust ourselves. It’s the last part that makes this difficult. No one wants to believe their husband or friend could be a child molester, or that their child could be a victim, even if there is evidence. It can be difficult to trust ourselves when our intuition is telling us something unpleasant. But as the old saying goes, “it’s better to be safe than sorry”. To do this we must understand how these offenders act and think.
Chapter three introduces us to several sexual predators that will tell us how they created their outward images so they could live what is referred to as a double life. A double life consists of two parts, the life the world sees, and the life lived in secret. The deacon in this chapter created what some might call a perfect double life. He was an excellent deacon, his parishioners adored him. He was generous and kind, helping families financially or with errands. He visited the elderly, volunteered for community service, and took care of the sick. He even made a special effort to spend quality time with kids in his youth group who had difficult home lives. What his kind eyes and smile don’t tell you is that he is also a child molester (31).
The deacon mentioned above molested over 95 children from multiple churches. He chose his victims carefully, looking for kids who came from broken homes and would be easy targets due to their desperate desire for adult attention. Children who needed guidance and love, whose parent(s) felt certain their children would be safe with such a kind, caring, man of God. Sadly, they were wrong. These children almost never mentioned that this man was teaching them secret games involving their genitalia. And when they did tell the deacon barely had to say a word before his peers had grouped together in his defense. Even when multiple children came forward, everyone looked the other way and claimed it was simply not possible (pg 32). Somehow it’s easier for folks to believe that children are grouping together and plotting out false allegations of sexual abuse, than it is to believe the good in someone could be a mask that is hiding all the evil underneath.
Denial may seem comforting, but in these situations it tends to do more harm than good. We cannot stop these predators if we’re too busy being blinded by their façade. Victims cannot heal from abuse if everyone around them says that it didn’t happen. If we only look at the surface we only see a fraction of the truth. The ongoing MTV series, “If You Really Knew Me” poses the theory that people are like icebergs, we only show each other our surface, which makes up only 10% of who we are; the other 90% is hidden, only to be revealed to people of our choosing. Most of us hide the parts of ourselves that cause us pain or embarrassment, things that make it difficult for us to feel good. Sexual predators, however, hide how good it feels for them to cause pain, and they usually only show their true selves to their victims. This tends to create a cycle as the victim will often bury these experiences beneath their surface so the rest of the world cannot see the pain that’s been caused.
Child molesters are a cunning breed. They know most people desire to see the good in others, and they use that against us. They pay attention to the way communities and families respond to cries for help, and they use this observation to their advantage. They know when to back off and when to inch closer. Salter quotes an offender as saying “child molesters are very professional at what they do, and they do a good job of it” (44). Unfortunately he is correct. Some offenders are so skilled in their craft that they have successfully molested victims in cars and houses where the parents were present, without them noticing (27 & 28).
If child molesters are cunning and observant, we must be also. The final chapter helps us to assess the risk-factor involved with different people in our lives. We must ask ourselves ‘Is there a high chance or a low chance that this person could be a threat?’ To properly assess this risk, we must know how to recognize deception. It is not always as easy as one might think. There seems to be a common notion that if someone looks you in the eye they are telling the truth. That may be so in some cases, but it’s not a very reliable method for detecting a lie. Experienced liars know that if they look a person in the eye when speaking there is a good chance their words will be believed, even if they are untrue. I, personally, am a terrible liar. I also don’t spend time practicing my lying skills. But offenders do. They are great liars because they spend their lives rehearsing their lies. And we all know practice makes perfect (41).
What we have to do is look beyond a person’s words and their ability to make eye contact and focus on their behaviors. Does the youth group leader always volunteer for activities involving kids of the same age group and sex? Yes. Are they often alone with the kids during these activities? Yes. Are any of their own children in this age group? No. Do they even have children of their own? No. This person is a high-risk individual (227). It doesn’t mean their actions harbor an ulterior motive, but using added caution around them isn’t going to hurt.
You may wonder how to use caution without being accusatory. This can be done by minimizing your exposure risks. Salter offers an analogy where minimizing exposure to offenders is like doctors minimizing exposure to AIDS; you can’t tell who’s infected just by looking at them, so it’s best to wear gloves with everyone (223). This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t let your child take part in community and church activities, but it does suggest that you should be as involved as possible. The deacon mentioned earlier admitted that he chose children whose parents did not seem overly involved (32). Simply volunteering to chaperone an event, or attending your child’s little league practices can make all the difference. It may not prevent bad things from happening, but it might. As Salter puts it, “…you don’t have to be sure a man is a child molester to avoid leaving your child with him; you need to be pretty darn sure he isn’t.” (234).
There are other predators in this world that are just as cunning as the child molester. Like the handy man who helped a family with repairs on their new house. He scheduled appointments when the husband wasn’t home; made sure the neighbors noticed he was there. He was a great handy man for six months, and then he raped the woman who hired him in her home in the middle of the night. When the rape was reported he claimed to have been having an affair with this woman. From the outside looking in, that’s exactly what it appeared to be; and this man spent six months planning it out, knowing the community would believe every single word he said (41).
Sadists are another breed of predator. Their bodies and organs may make them human, but they lack the ability to feel any form of empathy or compassion. The sadist is only concerned with what makes him high, and his drug of choice is causing unwanted pain. Not all sadists are sexual predators. Studies show that only 2-5 percent of sex offenders have sadistic tendencies and it appears to be a slow-moving transition for those who do (97). Some have a sexual response to violence alone; others require sexualized violence in order to get off. But they all love to torture people (104).
This section of the book was difficult for me to read. Salter even warns the reader to skip it due to its disturbing nature (98). However it was not the text itself that was difficult to endure, it was my physiological response to the words of the predators. I have masturbated to fantasies of rape and sexualized violence since my adolescence. I am generally the victim in these scenarios, but over the years I have found myself becoming aroused while watching horror movies. It has also occurred when reading books on serial killers (who are generally sadistic), but for some reason I was not prepared to experience arousal when reading this book. I think about the victims and what they have endured and I empathize with them, I do not feel any arousal. But I read these words from the sadists’ mouths and my clitoris begins to pulsate until I provide it with release. I accommodate this urge every time; I cannot focus otherwise.
Knowing this about me may make some people feel uncomfortable. There are parts of me that I don’t understand, but I’m quite sure that I have never been a threat to anyone. I feel guilt easily. I don’t know how to lie. I do not have access to any children in this state. I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as ‘evil’ like the sadist did on page one hundred. But don’t believe me just because I can say these things while looking you in the eye. By all means, if I make you uncomfortable, keep your distance. That’s what I would do.
As I said in the beginning, I’m a cautious woman. Between the few strangers that followed me from the bus stop, and the family friend who fondled me in my sleep, I learned from a young age that people are not always who they appear to be. But despite my long history of precautions, I have begun to slack off a bit when it comes to minimizing my risks. This book reminded me of why it’s important that I pay attention to who might overhear my conversations. How many strangers have heard me give friends directions to my house? How many people have heard me say I have a gun that I refuse to buy bullets for? I need to watch my mouth more.
Salter also discusses the idea that positive thinking will save us from negative circumstances (159). While I do believe that positive thinking can help us respond more positively to negative circumstances, I do not believe it will prevent them from happening, or vice versa. My thoughts tend to be very catastrophic at times; the thought of being attacked at random crosses my mind every day. Honestly, I think I’m less of a target for predators now that I’m no longer pre-pubescent with blonde hair and blue eyes, but if it does happen-no matter how unlikely-I won’t be surprised.
I’ve been paranoid for as long as I can remember; not only because of my personal experiences with predators, but because of reading about and watching the world around me. When I was fourteen I was molested; my friend was kidnapped, raped and murdered; and an internet search revealed that 89 registered sex offenders lived in my small zip code. This did not surprise me then, and nothing in this book (even information that is new to me) surprises me now. I function only because even though I’ve been exposed to traumatic events, the odds of things happening to me are still unlikely and I’ve had more positive experiences than negative.
Despite the odds, I had my partner fix our broken dead bolt upon completing this book. Dead bolts buy time (236). I was up late last night so I closed the blinds over the back porch window. Not because I felt afraid or because something odd had happened. But because I don’t know who lives behind my house, and I don’t want to make it easy for them to know how often I’m alone in my kitchen in the middle of the night. I’d like to believe that nothing bad will ever happen to me and that my precautions are unnecessary or ridiculous. But you know me, I’m paranoid and I prefer to err on the side of caution.
*Due to blog formatting the Resources page has not been posted. If you would like access to the resources used when writing this paper please email me.
